Have you ever felt stuck? Like you have tried everything to change something and yet you can’t seem to budge an inch stuck? That is where I have been for a long time. Stuck.
I am so exhausted. A year ago we adopted our daughter from China. She came to us with many medical and therapy needs. We knew this would be the case when we felt God very clearly leading us to her specifically. We packed up our home in Hong Kong and moved to Colorado. We had never lived in Colorado before but when God leads, it is a good idea to follow.
Here we were, in a new place where we did not know very many people with our two year old son and new two year old daughter. Two toddlers… two little people that could not yet communicate with words how they were doing. Two little people who were struggling with this HUGE transition in their life. We soon found out that our son too had some unique needs that required therapy. And so began a year of trying to figure out how to help our kids.
All the while, I am stuck. I felt more and more alone. I did not have any energy to reach out and build relationships with others. I was struggling with adjusting to life in the US after living overseas for most of my life. I felt like I needed to put my own needs on the back burner because these two little people needed so much of my time and energy. My health was failing, the weight was piling on an already obese body and I often felt depressed. I was not putting in the time and energy into my marriage like I wanted to and I had nothing left to work on my most important relationship, my relationship with the Lord. The one that used to be foundational to every other relationship, the one relationship that should have been my anchor all along.
I had tried and failed to change my outlook over an over again.
This other day I woke up and I had another headache. Headaches and migraines have been so common recently. My first thought was that something needed to change. That maybe I needed to spend the money we don’t have to get some of the pink drink and gut health pills that so many of my friends have been selling on social media. I was thinking about how I was going to approach this subject with my husband when I felt the Holy Spirit impressing on me that once again I was trying to change my situation on my own. That if I did that I would still be stuck, nothing would change.
I felt convicted. There is nothing wrong with the pink drink and having a healthy gut. It may even be something I try in the future. But today, today I needed to try to walk in the Spirit and not in my own strength. I prayed a short prayer asking God to help me to be aware of His Presence today and asked that He would give me the strength and energy to get through today.
And so my journey to get unstuck begins… one day at a time.